taghaful - तगाफ़ुल

हमने माना कि तगाफ़ुल न करोगे लेकिन, ख़ाक हो जायेंगे तुमको खबर होने तक

I know a day will come when you my passion won't ignore,
My worry, though, is that, alas, by then I would be around no more

करने गए थे उनसे तगाफ़ुल का हम गिला, की एक ही निगाह, के बस ख़ाक हो गए 

With no let up in your cruel neglect I went and sought amends. 

But just that glance that I had craved, was, alas, to prove my end.

If someone is extremely important to you, when you adore, love or care for them or seek them all the time. So much so that they are like your life line or your reason to be alive, to get up everyday. It happens, with some people that even though how sure they may be that their beloved have similar feelings, the lack of expression or saying it, hurts gradually and relentlessly.  

Their oblivion to your feelings and state becomes unacceptable is like a slow poison. How you crave and strive for their acknowledgment and acceptance.

 But such is the irony that when you are in your incessant dire straits and finally want to quetch for once, just one glance of that affection seems worth the lifetime of pain and agonizing wait. That one gaze that speaks all unspoken words and undertakes all conversations that never took place.

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Spiritually looking at it a seeker craves for the perception of almighty and keeps waiting for his bestowal of grace. As there is nothing in his hands except for waiting terminally. He realizes and dedicates himself for this union with the divine even if it doesn't happen in this life time.

Every now and then while praying or meditating there are times when you experience the inexplicable. Something that cant be expressed in words and cant be shared with anyone except your self. Every one has to go through it to know it. Its in such moments all complaints of the ultimate union vanish away. As this sense of completion is so immense that you can wait forever to dissolve in it.

ishq mujhko nahi vahshat hi sahi, meri vahshat teri shohrat hi sahi

इश्क मुझको नहीं वहशत ही सही, मेरी वहशत तेरी शोहरत ही सही

Though I be madly in love with you, do not call it madness and frown.

And should it be madness, don't forget: it brought you your renown !

They call my love madness, then frown and despise me.  They say I used to be better but now have lost pragmatism. My rationalizing has gone for a toss it seems. I am probably a freak now who has chosen to waste himself for his love. A love thats inexplicable and for what or whom is incomprehensible. Hence I am judged for what i was and what i have become. Nobody tries to know how and what has happened. They all have their surmisal.

This love show in everything I am and everything I do. Even when its not literal I somewhere am lost in you. It has taken away all conventional and orthodox norms. It has made my paradigm shift to a domain unheard of. For I am ready to dissolve myself or the way I used to be known, all the information, memories, tactics, relations or any form of acquisition or recognition to just to get you.

Oblivious to others' opinion I reflect upon the fact that this irrational craziness only brought you recognition. You, my love are only known because of demented cases like me. Just like for anything or anyone popular, famous or coveted by many, its fame only depends on such hysterical followers or lovers.

The society has always condemned people like me. In some parts we are even considered taboo. But I believe its fear of contagion. As everyone has something or someone or many things in small part, which they are crazy about. None of them are as incinerating to the soul as this one seems.

This couplet is also a quetch to the beloved or the supreme soul that you might have abandoned me in this world where people I think I am mad but don't forget you are only known in this world or even spoken of because  fanatics like me exist.

Welcome to the Maikhana

I have been listening to ghazals by ghalib since childhood. My father used to love them. I could never fathom what they meant, none the less it was a pleasure to my simpleton self.

Growing up during college, once in a while someone who understands these would help me comprehend their gist. I always felt connected to them whenever i heard and which was often in times of isolation. I used to be very emotional and they felt perfect.

Its only in the past three years that works by ghalib started revealing their meaning to me. I am making a feeble attempt to present the same here.

Aate hain gaib se yeh mazami khayaal mein
Ghalib sareer e khama,  nawa e surosh hai
( These thoughts that I commit to words come straight from the unknown. The susurrus that my quill doth make is in fact the angel who spake.)

His works portray his paradigm shift of understanding Ishq, from mizazi to hakiki. How is first love that is life we all live, flirts with him through out ceaselessly and never totally becoming his lover. Later he moves to the Maikhana for reckoning this constant irony.
I often find myself quoting a couplet that suits me way too much and seems to be satire by him on himself.

Yeh masaile tassawuf, yeh tera bayan ghalib
Tujhe hum wali samajhte jo na bada khaar hota.

This will be a platform to dwell for all smitten by this bug and been enchanted by life. Those who want ascend from the conventional comprehension and acceptance of this competitive, mechanical, emotional and mundane struggle.